Whatsapp jokes

Some things will never change ����... Son : Mom i wanna marry Arun Mom : that's not possible Son : but mom! Same sex marriages are legal now Mom : but he's not of our caste.

Husband-तुम मेरी फिल्म मे काम करोगी Wife-हा पर सीन क्या है Husband-तुम्हे धीरे-धीरे पानी मे जाना होगा Wife-ok फिल्म का नाम क्या है. Husband -गयी भैंस पानी मे���� ��������

Friend 1 : Kaun Si Jati ke Log Achhe Nagrik Hote Hai ? Friend 2 : Baniye.. Friend 1 : Matlab? Friend 2 : Har Jagah Likha Hota Hai, Desh Ke Acche Nagrik "Baniye"! Desh Bhakt "Baniye"! Samajhdar "Baniye"! Imandar "Baniye"! Sachhe "Baniye"! Padhe Likhe "Baniye"! Samajik "Baniye"! Vyavaharik "Baniye"! Shakahari "Baniye"! Satvik "Baniye"! Dharmik "Baniye"! Baniye...!

Wife bache ki potty test karwane gayi. Pathologist : "Ye potty nahi halwa hai" Biwi- "Ek phone kar loon??" Pathologist : "Kyon?" Biwi : "Unko batana hai ki vo lunch me galat dabba le gaye hain". ����������

Daughter : Mummy, past present and future tense ki example do. Mummy : Mai sundar thi, Mai sundar hun, aur Mai sundar rahungi. Daughter : Papa, aap bhi koi example batao. Papa : Isko veham tha, Isko veham hai, aur Isko veham rahega. ��������

5 years old son, After watching a story of an Emperor on TV: "Mum, I also want 7 wives, one will cook for me, one will read for me, one will go for walk with me, one will sing for me,one can bath me,...." Mum smiled and said: "Then night time I don't have to accompany you to sleep!" After some thought, son said: "Not possible, I still want to sleep with you mummy!" Moms eyes fill up with tears of happiness: "My sweet son!" "Then who will sleep with your 7 wives?" "Let them sleep with daddy!" Dads eyes fill up with tears of happiness: "My sweet son!"������

Wife: (calling from the bath room  in a  very  sweet  and  sexy voice) "Darling, I am in the bath room.... have applied soap all over... please come  and  rub  liberally properly with your loving hands."  �� Husband: (reading newspaper.... suddenly  jumps with happiness looks himself in the mirror and tells his wife) "Sweetheart...  ruko... mein  abhi  aaya." Reaches the bath room... sees his wife fully clothed, gets very disappointed & asks, "kahan rub karun..?" . Wife: "Zyaada idhar-udhar dekho nahin.... I have applied soap to the Clothes �� lying on the floor... now Rub each of the clothes properly and wash  them and hang them for drying... I have to go for my kitty party."  ��

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

��Some global opinions on marriages.. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Al Gore ���� By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates ���� Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Mike Tyson ���� I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs ��with me. - Bill Clinton  ���� "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - George W. Bush �� "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani �� "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan ���� Two secrets to keep your

Husband- Agar mujhe lottery lagi toh tum kya karogi...? : : : Wife- Aadhe paise le kar Hamesha keliye mayke chali jaungi... Main bhi khush aur aap bhi khush.. : : Husband- 20 Rs. ki lagi hai... ye le 10 aur nikal..

Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife and he says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you." Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?" Husband replies,  "It's me..... talking to whisky." Men will be Men....��������

There was a king he had 10 wild dogs... He used them to torture and eat all ministers who made mistakes. So one of the minister’s once gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all… So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs. So the minister said, "I served you 10 years and you do this..? Pease give me 10 days before you throw me in with those dogs! So the king agreed… In those 10 days the minister went to the guard that was guarding the dogs and told him he wants to serve the dogs for the next 10 days… The guard was baffled… But he agreed… So the minister started feeding the dogs, cleaning for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up… The king ordered that the minister be thrown in to the dogs for his punishment. But when he was thrown in, Everyone was amazed at what they saw.. They saw the dogs licking the feet of the minister! So the king baffled at what he saw… Said:” what ha

Boy 1 : What are you doing bro..??? Boy 2 : Just finished Dinner with wife and Now Scotch..... Boy 1 : Kya baat hai bhai koun si Black Label or Red Label ?? �� Boy 2 : Abe saale Scotch Brite se bartan maanjne ja raha hoon...������

Heights of irritating.... TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer: Q: What food do you serve to your goat? Farmer : to white one or to black one? Anchor: to white one Farmer : Grass... Anchor: And to black one? Farmer : Grass for that one too... Anchor: where do you tie them? Farmer : white one or black one? Anchor: White one... Farmer : in the room outside Anchor: And the black one? Farmer : in the same room outside Anchor: And bathing? Farmer : to white one or to black one? Anchor: Black one... Farmer : with water Anchor: And to white one? Farmer : With water for that one too... Anchor angrily: Idiot, while you do same stuff for both of them, why are you asking white or black each time? Farmer : because the white one is mine.. Anchor: And the black one? Farmer : it's also mine!

1 Chinese ��, 1 Gora �� aur 1 Sardar �� ship me ja rahe the.. Achanak 1 Jinn�� aaya aur bola: "Samundar me koi cheez pheko, agar maine dhoond li to main tumhe maar dunga, Aur na dhoond paya to main tumhara Gulam!!" Chinese ne Sui phenki. Jinn ne dhoond li aur use maar diya ��.. Gore ne memory card pheka. Jinn ne dhoond liya aur use bhi maar diya..�� Sardar ne kuch phenka.. Gin ne bohot dhuna, dhund dhund ke thak gaya aur puchhne laga. "batao mere aaaka main haar gaya," �� Sardar bola: "main bhi tera baap hu, maine "Disprin" ki goli fenki thi, Chal Beta, Ghar Chal Bohot Kaam Pada He!!" JINN Shocked ��& Sardar ROCKED ���� Bhejo market me naya he

(1)Put your wife in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you ! ���� (Members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!) Don't laugh loud ---- �� The extended version says. (2) Put your husband in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!����

School �� ;- Yee Galiya ye Chaubaara Yaha Aana na Dobaara... Tution ;- Idhar Chala�� Mein Udhar Chala...�������� Maths ;- Ajeeb Dastaan Hee Yee Kaha Shuru Kaha Khataam...������ Sciense ;- Aa Khushi �� se Khud Khushi �� Karle... Geography :- Musafir hu Yaaro ������ na ������ he naa Thikaana... Economicse ;- Q Paisa,��Paisa ��Karti hai tu ,Q Paiso �� pe tu Marti he...������ Exam :- Mujhe Neend �� na Aaye.., Mujhe Chain na Aaye..������ Result ;- Jiya ❤❤❤ Dhadak,Dhadak Jaaye... Paas ;- Aaj me ���� Upar..���� Aasa man ����Niche.. Fail :- Jag Suna Suna Lage 

Goan Funeral ..... Excellent One... A family in Moira Goa was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother Virginia arrived from Canada. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters: Dear Caitan, Consu Clara and Flory, I am sending Virgins body to you, since it was her wish that she should be buried in the Moira Cemetry in Goa. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Virgins body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Virgins feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Caitan,There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Botu and Lidias sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Virgin is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Peter. Just distribute the rest am

Mother: Son I'm sorry my husband is not your dad. I had an affair 23 years ago with a man . And that person is your real father." Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this? Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him.. 'cause we are from different religions. He is on the phone right now and wants to speak with his son, come talk to him." Son: No I am not speaking to any one. My dad is the only father I know and so will that be." Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him. Son: Ok, I will not commit anything. Phone: Morning Son, I am Mukesh Ambani. I am your real father. Son: Maa ki Aaaannkkhhh... Dad! Dad! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Luv u so much Dad!!!! I always knew there was something special about me.. Thank you soooo much mum. You are the best mum in d world!" Moral: Na Biwi Na Bachha ; Na Baap Bada Na Bhaiya ; The Whole thing is dat ki bhaiya Sabse Bada Rupaiya..

एक आदमी कि बीवी किडनैप हो गई. किडनैपर्स उसके पति को फ़ोन लगाया : "अगर आज रात तक पैसे न दिए तो तुम्हारी बीवी को मार देंगे!" पति खामोश रहा… अगले दिन फिर फ़ोन आया : "अगर आज रात तक पैसे न दिए तो तुम्हारी बीवी के टुकड़े-टुकड़े करके चील कौवों को खिला देंगे!" पति खामोश … अगले दिन फिर फ़ोन आया : "अगर आज रात तक पैसे न दिए तो तुम्हारी बीवी तुम्हे सही-सलामत लौटा दी जायेगी .." पति : "पैसे बोल कमीने, डराता किसको है?!"

A Genius Husband gave the keys of his new SUV to his wife with a warning: "Darling, if you meet with an accident, the newspaper will print your AGE... So drive carefully !!!"

1. What is banana called in hindi - kela 2. What is a single banana called - akela 3. What is a tired banana called - thakela 4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela 5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela 7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela 8. What is an angry banana called - satkela 9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela 10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela.

IT Special: 2 friends were chatting.... Friend: Bhai need ur support... She is online n said "I love you"... Kya karu? IT Engineer Frnd: Bhai... Sabse pehle screen shot lele

Complete this 6 letter word : _k_h_y Clue: 1. Girls love it. 2. Boys use it. 3. Parents hate it. 4. Animals are scared of it. You are brilliant if you say the answer within today..... reply me as fast as you can You can send it to your friends to get the answer.!  

In a Store a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him..!!!!!!!!!!!!! So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!". After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?" To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!" The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ". To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?" Moral:- Presence of mind helps, Never Panic, There's always a solution….!!!

Husband Ne Wife ko msg kiya: Dinner pe mere sath kuch dost aa rahe hai acha sa khana bana dena. Phir 2nd Msg Kia: Meri salary ziyada ho gai hai, next month tumhen Diamond ki Ring ley kar doonga..! Wife ne reply kiya: “Oh my God sacchi” ? Husband: Nhi… Check kr raha tha mera pehla msg mila ya nhi ☺ ☺ warna tu bolegi mujhe message mila hi nahi

Boss Hangs A Poster In Office "I Am The Boss, Do Not Forget" He Returns From Lunch, Finds A Slip On His Desk. "Ur Wife Called, She Wants Her Poster Back Home." 

Girlfriend : "Last night I had a dream of you." . . Boyfriend (got excited): - "Maine kya kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke" . . Girlfriend replied : "We were traveling in bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. . . Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone." . . Boyfriend (with love): "I was searching for you, na? . . Girlfriend said: NO, You were shouting -

Blast of the day: Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:- My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for 'Number of Dependents on you?',  I replied :--- "65% of population who doesn't pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544+ MPs in parliament"and 4000 MLA's of states. They said, this is not an acceptable answer. I am still wondering..... Who the hell did I miss out!!. �������� Dedicated to all tax payers.

There was a king he had 10 wild dogs... He used them to torture and eat all ministers who made mistakes. So one of the minister’s once gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all… So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs. So the minister said, "I served you 10 years and you do this..? Pease give me 10 days before you throw me in with those dogs! So the king agreed… In those 10 days the minister went to the guard that was guarding the dogs and told him he wants to serve the dogs for the next 10 days… The guard was baffled… But he agreed… So the minister started feeding the dogs, cleaning for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up… The king ordered that the minister be thrown in to the dogs for his punishment. But when he was thrown in, Everyone was amazed at what they saw.. They saw the dogs licking the feet of the minister! So the king baffled at what he saw… Said:” what ha

शीलाजीत, मूसली और जापानी तेल के विज्ञापनों से भरे पेपर को देखकर ऐसा लगता है कि देश की असली समस्या रोज़गार और भ्रष्टाचार नहीं बल्कि, टेढापन, पतलापन और शीघ्रपतन है😀😝😜

शीलाजीत, मूसली और जापानी तेल के विज्ञापनों से भरे पेपर को देखकर ऐसा लगता है कि देश की असली समस्या रोज़गार और भ्रष्टाचार नहीं बल्कि, टेढापन, पतलापन और शीघ्रपतन है😀😝😜

लड़का- अंकल मैं आपकी लड़की से शादी करना चाहता हूं। बाप- करते क्या हो? लड़का- जी, खेती। बाप- इस ज़माने में खेती? भाग! यह शादी नहीं हो सकती... लड़का- अंकल...'प्याज' की खेती करता हूं। बाप- दामाद जी तो अगले महीने की 2 तारीख कैसी रहेगी?

क्या हसीन इत्तेफाक़ था तेरी गली में आने का....!! ... किसी काम से आये थे, !! और किसी काम के ना रहे....!! ---------------------------- लोगरोज हाथ काटते है प्यार साबित करने के लिये.. पर कोई सुई भी नही चुंभने देता रक्तदान के लिये ...😁😅😂 -----------------------------

Bhagwan :- "Beta...! Koi Mannat maango..!!" Bhakt :- "Plz muje Phir Se Unmarried kar dijiye...!" Bhagwan :- "Beta Mannat maango...! Jannat nahi..!!!😆😆

5 FACTS ABOUT LIFE. 1) No matter how handsome & attractive you are, just remember that baboons and gorillas also attract tourists. 2) No matter how light skinned you are, you always need a light in the dark. 3) No matter how tall you are, you can never see tomorrow. 4) No matter how many cars you own, you'll still have to walk to the toilet. 5) No matter how big and strong you are, you cannot carry yourself to the grave...... So take it easy.... Life is short..

Girlfriend : "Last night I had a dream of you." . . Boyfriend (got excited): - "Maine kya kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke" . . Girlfriend replied : "We were traveling in bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. . . Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone." . . Boyfriend (with love): "I was searching for you, na? . . Girlfriend said: NO, You were shouting - "Arrey, conductor kidhar gaya, 2 rupaye lene the"

Blast of the day: Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:- My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for 'Number of Dependents on you?',  I replied :--- "65% of population who doesn't pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544+ MPs in parliament"and 4000 MLA's of states. They said, this is not an acceptable answer. I am still wondering..... Who the hell did I miss out!!. Dedicated to all tax payers.

There was a king he had 10 wild dogs... He used them to torture and eat all ministers who made mistakes. So one of the minister’s once gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all… So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs. So the minister said, "I served you 10 years and you do this..? Pease give me 10 days before you throw me in with those dogs! So the king agreed… In those 10 days the minister went to the guard that was guarding the dogs and told him he wants to serve the dogs for the next 10 days… The guard was baffled… But he agreed… So the minister started feeding the dogs, cleaning for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up… The king ordered that the minister be thrown in to the dogs for his punishment. But when he was thrown in, Everyone was amazed at what they saw.. They saw the dogs licking the feet of the minister! So the king baffled at what he saw… Said:” what happ