Crazy people on my WhatsApp list.

Crazy people on my WhatsApp list.
1. Someone on his status "Sleeping" ...since 3 days! He's probably dead.
2. Someone never sends anything, then at night once a week/month he says: "Good night" !
3. Someone is sick since the time I added him.
4. Someone steals my status and keeps it at the same time when I do.
5. Someone is "Driving" ..since 5 days! I guess he reached Dubai!!
6. Someone sends me back exactly what I sent to him.. Seems like he wants to play table tennis!
7. Someone still has his status as "Happy New Year!" .guess his time stood still
8. Someone's status is "Happy" since one month. Living in Paradise?
9. Someone when I send a broadcast he just puts a smiley face.
10. From first day their status is, 'Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp' I know it! That's why you're on my list!
11. Someone writes "urgent calls only", dont get it.. Are u in the police  or ambulance ?
12. Most say, "can't talk whatsapp only" dude then throw away ur phone.. Your not using the phone's primary function

Bride gave something to Father

Bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand...
all eyes were set on him inquiring what she has given to her father...
Feeling the audience anxiety over the matter. .
Father announced ...
This is the luckiest day of my life..
My daughter has finally returned my credit card �� ..
Everyone burst into laughter. ..
Except the groom.
������������

A woman is having an affair during the day

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them & hides in the bedroom-closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy & the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside & have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball & my glove."
The father asks, "How much did u sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that,.. that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take u to church & make u confess."

They go to the church & the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth & he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

Best Answer by an Indian Citizen in Income Tax Return Form

Blast of the day:

Best Answer given by an Indian Citizen:-
My Income Tax return form has been sent back because, In response to a question for 'Number of Dependents on you?', I replied:
"65% of population who doesn't pay taxes, 21 million illegal immigrants, 9,00,000 criminals in over 1382 prisons and above all 544 idiots in parliament".
They said, this is not an acceptable answer.
I am still wondering.....

 Who the hell did I miss out!!.
����

It was 5 in the evening

It was five in the evening, the bank was almost closed. All of a sudden, the Branch Manager received a phone call from a lady.
In a sweet voice she said - sir I urgently need Rs.10000. I'll reach your bank in 10 minutes. Could you please wait for me?
Her voice was so captivating that the Branch Manager could not say no.
He instructed his cashier to keep the cash ready. The cashier obeyed his boss with great reluctance .
After a while, a dark complexioned lady with ugliest of face and a huge tummy came to the bank, presented a cheque and asked for the money.
The BM was taken aback, as he was expecting a cute lady.
He immediately told the lady that they had already closed the cash
for the day and she should come next day.
The cashier was so furious and he asked the BM if his intention was to not to pay why he was made to sit late.
BM - Its the Universal rule of the banking that........
.
.
.
.
.
If words and figure don't match, payment will be declined. ������

Angrezo ka 1 month ka festival

����Angrezo ka 1 month ka festival chal raha tha jisme wo non veg nahi khate.
Unke mohalle me sardar rahta tha jo daily ��Chicken banakar khata tha.
��Chiken ki khushboo se preshan hokar Angrezo ne Pope se shikayat ki.
Pope ne us Sardar se kaha tum ''Christian'' dharm swikaar kr lo
wo Sardaar maan gya
To Pope ne Sardaar par Holy water chhidakte huye kaha "You born as a "Sikh", raised as a "Sikh", but now you are a"Christian"
Next day fir Sardaar k ghar se�� Chiken ki khushboo aayi to sab angrez uske ghar gye to dekha
Sardaar ��Chiken par Holy Water chhidak raha tha aur kah raha tha,
"You born as ��"Chicken", raised as a ��"chicken" but now you are .."Potato".. ����.
Christian shocked �� sardar�� rocked����

A lady is driving on the Expressway

This one is killer. ������
A lady is driving for the 1st time on an expressway.
Her husband calls on her mobile & says: "Be careful my love. It's just been on the radio, that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the expressway.."
She replies: "Someone......?? These rascals are in hundreds.!!! ������

Ek shaadi Shuda couple TV par IPL dekh raha tha

एक शादीशुदा जोड़ा �� टीवी �� पर
IPL का मैच ⚾ साथ में देख रहे होते हैं ।
( पाँच भिनट के बाद )

पत्नी: ये ब्रेट ली है क्या..? ) ��
पति : " नहीं " ये क्रिस गेल है ।
ब्रेट ली तो गेंदबाज़ है ।
पत्नी: ब्रेट ली तो काफी स्मार्ट है।
उसे तो अपने भाई की तरह ��
फिल्मों में हीरो बन जाना चाहिए।
पति : उसका कोई भाई अभिनेता नहीं है। ��
पत्नी:तो ये ब्रूस ली कौन है फिर ? ) ��
पति: " अरे नहीं भाई "
ब्रेट ली तो आस्ट्रेलिया से है।
पत्नी: " अरे वाह " वो देखो
दो मिनट में एक और विकेट गिर गया।
पति: " अरे नहीं " ये एक्शन रिप्ले है।
पत्नी : ऐसा लग रहा है कि भारत जीत जायेगा
पति: इसमें भारत नहीं खेलता है।
ये चेन्नई और जयपुर के बीच है।��
पत्नी: ये अंपायर हेलीकाप्टर क्यों बुला रहा है ?
पति: ���� वो हेलीकाप्टर नहीं बुला रहा है।
ये फ्री हिट है। ��
पत्नी: दर्शकों ने क्या पैसे नहीं दिये
जो ये फ्री हिट दे रहा है ? ) ��
पत्नी: अब ये किसे हाय कह रहा है ?
पति: ये " बाय " का इशारा है।
पत्नी: ये बाय क्यों कह रहा है ? ) ��
क्या मैच खत्म हो गया है ?
पत्नी: अब कितने रन और चाहिए जीतने के लिए ?
पति: 36 गेंदों में 72 रन चाहिए।
पत्नी: " ओह बस " ये तो कितना आसान है।
केवल 1 गेंद पर 2 रन ही बनाना है।
( पति टीवी बंद कर देता है )
पत्नी टीवी चलाती है और
'Jodha Akbar' देखने लग जाती है ) ��
पति: ये "Jodha " कौन है ?
पत्नी : तुम्हारी माँ है
अब अगर तुमने मुझे परेशान किया तो
" देख लेना " ) ��
पति : ������
������������������

Ekdum Naya chutkula

��������
एक दम नया चुटकुला....
डॉक्टर:-तबियत कैसी है..?
मरीज़:-पहले से ज्यादा खराब है...
डॉक्टर:-दवाई खा ली थी.?
मरीज़:-खाली नहीं थी भरी हुई थी...
डॉक्टर:- मेरा मतलब है दवाई ले ली थी.?
मरीज़:-जी आप ही से तो ली थी...
डाक्टर:-बेवक़ूफ़ !! दवाई पी ली थी.?
मरीज़:-नहीं जी,, दवाई नीली थी...
डॉक्टर:-अबे गधे !! दवाई को पी लिया था.?
मरीज़:-नहीं जी,, पीलिया तो मुझे था...
डॉक्टर:-उल्लू के पट्ठे !! दवाई को खोल के मुँह में रख लिया था.?
मरीज़:-नहीं आप ही ने तो कहा था कि फ्रिज में रखना.....
डॉक्टर:-अबे क्या मार खायेगा..?
मरीज़:-नहीं दवाई खाऊंगा...
डॉक्टर:-निकल साले, तू पागल कर देगा...
मरीज़:-जा रहा हूँ, फिर कब आऊँ..?
डॉक्टर:-मरने के बाद...
मरीज़:-मरने के कितने दिन बाद.?
डॉक्टर बेहोश.

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business...
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction,
as it was an action because of their Prayer...
The Church Denied all Responsibility!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case
because
Here We have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer
&
An Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it !"

Disorder in the American Courts - Things People Actually said in the Court

Hilarious i I love this---- ..   These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________________  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________________  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? _____________________  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ____________________  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _____________________ _____________________  ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? _____________________  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?t WITNESS: Take a guess. _____________________  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________   ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _____________________  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. _____________________  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? _____________________  And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I ., but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law...

Ekdum Naya chutkula

एक दम नया चुटकुला....
डॉक्टर:-तबियत कैसी है..?
मरीज़:-पहले से ज्यादा खराब है...
डॉक्टर:-दवाई खा ली थी.?
मरीज़:-खाली नहीं थी भरी हुई थी...
डॉक्टर:- मेरा मतलब है दवाई ले ली थी.?
मरीज़:-जी आप ही से तो ली थी...
डाक्टर:-बेवक़ूफ़ !! दवाई पी ली थी.?
मरीज़:-नहीं जी,, दवाई नीली थी...
डॉक्टर:-अबे गधे !! दवाई को पी लिया था.?
मरीज़:-नहीं जी,, पीलिया तो मुझे था...
डॉक्टर:-उल्लू के पट्ठे !! दवाई को खोल के मुँह में रख लिया था.?
मरीज़:-नहीं आप ही ने तो कहा था कि फ्रिज में रखना.....
डॉक्टर:-अबे क्या मार खायेगा..?
मरीज़:-नहीं दवाई खाऊंगा...
डॉक्टर:-निकल साले, तू पागल कर देगा...
मरीज़:-जा रहा हूँ, फिर कब आऊँ..?
डॉक्टर:-मरने के बाद...
मरीज़:-मरने के कितने दिन बाद.?
डॉक्टर बेहोश

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business...
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction,
as it was an action because of their Prayer...
The Church Denied all Responsibility!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case
because
Here We have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer
&
An Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it !"

Misbah-ul-Haq Trying to Propose an Australian Girl

Misba-Ul-Haq(Pak Captain) trying to propose an Australian Girl :
Misba: Mai apse beintha muhobat karta hu
Girl: What?
Misba: Mai apse pyar karta hu
Girl: Pls speak in English
Misba: Boys Played Well.. It was just a bad luck today and we lost the match.
��������

Never mess with Kids

Biology Class:
Teacher:
Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young ones on land...???
Sardar was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the Answer...!!!???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sardar: AIRHOSTESS!!!

Never Mess with Kids :
A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The
man turned to him and said, "Let's talk".
Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ?
Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?
Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask u a
question... Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer
excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?
Man: I don't know.
Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss
nuclear issues when you dont know shit.. ��
Couldn't stop sharing this one...
����

Is There Life after death

 Boss Asks his Employee: "Do you believe that there is Life After Death?".
Employee: "Certainly not, there's no proof of it".
Boss: "Well, there is.... After you left early yesterday to go to your cousin's funeral, he came here looking for you." …����

World of different Animals

*World of different animals*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the snake in
the world, which
keeps on increasing
0.5 centimetre every
second,
And if it touches its
mouth to any part
Of its body,,
Then it dies
immediately..
This is worlds most
Dangerous and
Poisonous snake..
And
This snake is
Available only in
"Nokia's" 1100
Mobile, under
games option..
Thanks for reading this very very Carefully..
��������������

Difference between Facebook and Whatsapp converstaion

Difference between "Facebook" and "Whatsapp" conversation :

On "Whatsapp" -
Wife : Kab se wait kar rahi hoon. Ghar kab aa rahe ho?

Husband : Abhi kuchh pataa nahi. Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.

On "FaceBook" -
Wife : Dear when will you be back? You are the best husband in the world. Miss you. Come back soon.
(Status liked by 50 of her friends)

Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 75 friends, including sister-in-law & mother-in-law)

Mallu boarding a Plane

Mallu boarding a plane.
Air hostess is smiling.
Mallu: Tatti vendi!
Air hostess (shocked): What???
Mallu: Tatti vendi!!!
Air hostess calls steward.
Mallu: Tatti vendi!!!
Steward: What????
Mallu thrusts his boarding pass below the steward's nose.
Steward looks at it and bursts out laughing.
Composes himself, and says
"Sir, seat 31 D is in the center. This way please!"

Fresh Stock of Rajnikant Jokes !

Fresh stock of Rajni jokes !
------------------------------------
Reporter to Rajnikant: how many
jokes have been made on you till
now?
Rajni: only 1 or 2.
Reporter: only 1 or 2?
Rajni: enna RASCALA! Rest all are
facts!
-------------------------------------
Rajnikanth's dog's house has a
signboard on it, saying..
Maalik Se Sawdhan!
----------------------------------
Once Rajnikant Decided To Race
With Time.. & The Result Is Time Is
Still Running
----------------------------------
Rajnikant participated in 1000 KM
race and obviously he came first But
EINSTEIN died after watching that
Coz ... LIGHT came second...
-------------------------------------
Galileo used 'Lamp' to Study,
Graham bell used 'Candle' to study,
Shakshpeare studied in 'Street
lights' But .....
Do u know about Rajnikant......????
Only Agarbatti
--------------------------------
When Rajnikant was a student! You
can't guess this one...
Teachers used to bunk!
----------------------------------------
While playing once Rajnikant said
"statue" to a girl... Now that Statue
is know as
"Statue of Liberty"
-------------------------------------------
Rajinikanth's calendar goes straight
from March 31st to April 2nd, no one
fools Rajnikant.
--------------------------------------
Once Rajnikant was playing cricket in
the monsoons.... and .... The rain
was cancelled due to the match.
-----------------------------------
Why did British leave India in 1947?
Bcoz. they came to know Rajnikant
was going to be born in 1948...
-------------------------------
This Msg. is Sent in the Interest of
Humanity- Guys Stop making Jokes
on Rajnikant or else he will Delete
INTERNET..

Tu hai ki nahi roy movie song

A working class guy calls up the radio station
"Hi, I'd like you play the song 'Tu hai ke nahi' from the movie Roy"
RJ - Nice choice. To whom would you like to dedicate this beautiful song?
Guy - To my March salary

A Little boy was in a bus eating a Chocolate

A little boy was in a bus
eating a chocolate,
then he took another one
and then another ...
A man next to him said,
"Do you know that too much
of it will damage your teeth"
The boy replied,
"My grandfather lived for
132 years"
The man asked ,
"Was it because of eating
chocolate?"
The boy replied,
"No,he was always minding
his own business!!!!"
���������� 

MY MAID'S CHOICE

MY MAID'S CHOICE
If I don't come on time
My choice!
If I take too many offs
My choice!
If I don't sweep under the bed
My choice!
If I use the same dirty water to mop all the rooms
My choice!
If I threaten to leave the job
My choice!
I can do al this coz I know you have
No choice!����������

Husband calls Hotel Manager from room

(��) Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from room) Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife & she says she will jump from your hotel window.
(��) Manager : Sir, I am sorry, but this is your personal Issue.
(��) Husband : abbe saale ! The window is not opening. This is a maintenance issue ..������ 

Technological Innocence !

Technological Innocence!
``````````````````````````````````````
A girl posted a question in a WhatsApp group:
"Guys, if I install Windows-7 of 32 bit two times then will it become 64 bit?"
.
Another Girl in the group replied:
"Yes....but it will also become Windows-14."
ALL boys left group :P :P

A Suspicious Wife

Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes.
Wife : Turn on the mixer.
Husband : (turns mixer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day......
Suspicious Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?
Husband : Yes.
Wife: Turn on the mixer.
Husband: (turns mixer on) Rrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.
The next day, the wife decides to go home without notice, and finds her son alone and she asks him, "Son, where is your father?"
Son: "I don't know, he went out with the mixer... ������
������������
Now don't laugh alone forward it
����������

Now Solve dis in just 1 min. Be true to urself:

Now solve dis in just 1 min. Be true to urself:

If I give you 4 tablets which contain 2 for fever and 2 for cold..all 4 have same size, shape and color, No cover.

You have to take 1 cold and 1 fever tablet right now..How will you choose correctly?

Dedicated to all Managers !!

A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

One of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

Lesson: Never trust managers... and there is nothing like KIND MANAGERS ��

Dedicated to all managers..����

Retired Husband

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,
from the local Wal-Mart

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.

If you don't send this to your dearest friends; You will be depriving them of some good humor.
Enjoy Life - It has an expiry date..

Husband and Wife went to Jerusalem

Husband and wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.
 
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".

Man:"I'll take the body home!!!"

Priest:"Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"

Man: "Nothing like that Father.. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day...

I CAN'T TAKE THAT RISK" !!!
��������������

What is the fastest thing in the world ?

4 Students:
1 of HARVARD
1 of OXFORD
1 of TEXAS
and
Santa Singh of IIN

1 Common Question:-

"What is the Fastest thing in the World?"

Student of HARVARD: "Light"

Student of OXFORD: "Thought"

Student of TEXAS:
"Blink of an Eye"

SANTA SINGH of IIN:
"Loose Motion!"

Because

Last Night I Was Lying On My Bed & Before I Could
"Blink" , "Think" or "Turn on the Light" ,
It was all Over... ��

Harvard / Oxford / Texas Shocked .... IIN Rocked...!!!
��������������

World Deadliest PJ's Scroll Down at your own risk !

Pls... scroll down at ur own risk...

Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ?? ...

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
��������������

_______________________
Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
��������������

_____________________________
Q3. Dhoni ask's Ashwin to bring a pepsi....Ashwin brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Dhawan.? why ??
why ??
����

Ans:- Dhawan is an opener
��������������
_____________________________

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'...

 Which movie did he really want to see..?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai...!
��������������
_____________________________

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
��������������
_____________________________

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho...............

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
��������������
_____________________________

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas��
����������������
_____________________________

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!��
����������������

_____________________________
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
������������

_____________________________
Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold
(Chain ki saans - D'cold )
����������������
_____________________________

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again...

Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi...
����������������
_____________________________

!!!!!. This Joke will destroy your power of thinking

Q11.. What do you call a Cow Dancing? . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ans:  "Guidance.."!
����������
_____________________________
Geography Teacher: agar koi chota planet
prithvi se takraye toh kya hoga?
Student: to "Tadang" jaisa aavaj aayega.
Sir gusse se: Kyu ??
Student: "Ye Duniya ,,,,Ye Duniya Pittal di.
_____________________________
dont kill me aftr dis...��

Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio?
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho??��������

_____________________________

Ek jungle me sab jaanwar ga rahe the, PAAN PARAAG PAAN MASALA- PAAN
PARAG!
Par Giraffe nahi ga raha tha!
KYUN?

Kyuki,
UNCHE LOG! UNCHI PASAND
MANIKCHAND

����������
_____________________________
If u touch 2015 calender u will get a Shock
do u know y?
Bcoz
2015 is "CURRENT" year..

����������
_________________________��������������������
��Hum Roz Message Q Bhejte Hai?
Masti? NO

Timepass? NO

Hum Message Bhejte Hai
Taki Apki Reading Capacity Strong Ho.
Padhega INDIA,
Tabhi To Badhega INDIA...��

Tips for women who love to cook !

Tips for women who love to cook! :
1)while seasoning  / if you put few drops of whiskey the oil doesn't burn
2)while kneading dough put a few drops of beer  and the chapatis will be golden brown
3)if you add a few drops of vodka in dhal it will not spoil in summer time
4) while making kadhi if you add a few drops of brandy the buttermilk will not be sour and kadhi will taste sweet
5)putting red wine in rasam will enhance the taste

If you can't manage the above pour 2 pegs in your husband's stomach--
then it doesn't matter how the food tastes!! ��

A Classic example of effective Communication :

�� A classic example of effective communication : ��


An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....

he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.

'Yes, Dad, what is it?'

"Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........

......your  mother-in-law will come and live with you."


The surgery was a great success...!!!

Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Man : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash, ek iphone 6+, ek Credit Card aur kisi Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
toh aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge, Right ??

Man : Nahi!!......Main chahta hu ki Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek Dard bhara SONG ho jaaye
��������

5 Things American and Indian Movies Teach us

5 things American movies teach us:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practicing kung fu.
��
2. More than 50% of US population are FBI/CIA agents working undercover.
��
3. The purpose of schools of US is to promote basketball/Baseball.
��
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking US.
��
5. US is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.
����������������������
.
.
.
.
.
5 Things Indian movies teach us:
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
����
2. While defusing a bomb don't worry, whichever wire u cut... U always choose the right one.
����
3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; But will show pain when a girl cleans up his wounds.
��
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
����

*The most hillarious*

5. If u decide to start dancing on the street everyone you meet will know the steps..
����������������������

Hansa and Praful Jokes

Hansa : Praful automatically matlab??
Praful : aare Hansa.. agar koi aadmi ganja hota hai tou ussko kya
bolte hain...
Hansa : taklaa..
Praful : aur agar koi ladki ganji ho to ussko kya bolenge....
Hansa : takli..
Praful : aur wohi ladki agar auto mein baith kar kahin ghoomne jaye
tou ussko kya bologi??
Hansa : auto mein takli… aare haan automatically!
Tum kitne samajhdaar ho Praful...����������
��������������������
Hansa : Prafoool, ye Senior or Junior ka kya matlab?
Praful : Hansaaaaaa samundra ke najdik rehte hai woh...
sea + near = Senior
aur jo Zoo ke najdik rehte hai woh...
Zoo + near = Junior ��������
��������������������
✅ Hansa : Praful
tournament matlab??
Praful : tournament hansaaaa yeh jo tumne kaanme jhumke pehne hai use tournament kehte hai...
Bapuji : abey Praful gadhe use ornaments kehte hai.��
Praful: Bapuji ohh Bapuji ek kaan me pehno to ornaments or dono kaan me pehno to two ornaments matlab tournament....��
Hansa: haay haay bapuji ko to kuch bhi nahi aata....��������⚡������ ����☺��

Presentation Does Matter.. No Matter whats the Reality is !!

2 Wives chatting in office :

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was Urs???

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !

- At the same time, their husbands are talking at work -

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !!!!!!

MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER... NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!

A Girl went to electronics shop with anger

A girl went to electronics shop with anger and threw her new laptop on d desk at person from whom she bought. She told that u have cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop...Salesman: Madam, can u pls try in front of me?
Now this is what she did:
1)Right clicked d mouse on d file, selected COPY option.
2) Disconnected d mouse.
3)Took that mouse carefully & connected to d new laptop.
4)Right clicked d mouse & selected PASTE option.
������������
Salesman DIED on the spot!!!
ANOTHER   IIN STUDENT...

Apple and Microsoft Notice Jokes

Notice on entry gate of a Apple Store in NY :-

Don't ever fart here;
the smell will stay for ages.
We don't have Windows.��
########$$#########

 And tit for tat from Microsoft in their premises..

"Anyone visiting us here can be free to use Windows in case you need to release stale gas from yesterday's half eaten apple."����

We have been providing open window system to the world since ages. ����

Arrested for Laughing !!

Arrested for laughing...!!

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.

She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:-

When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..
I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement,
which read:- "William's stick did the trick"..
Then I could not control myself any longer,

when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed.

The judge fell off his chair laughing ! ������

The last stages of the war in Ramayana.

The last stages of the war in Ramayana.
Blood flowing like a river. The vanquished Ravana lying on the ground, groaning in pain, awaiting his death.
Rama calls Lakshmana .
Lakshmana, the ever obedient brother says "Yes brother, what do I have to do"
Dear Lakshmana, I have a very important job for you. For all his faults, Ravana is still a great man, very learned, full of wisdom. A great Siva Bhakta. A benevolent Chakravarty. Singer, musician, expert in Veena, knows all the Vedas by heart. Please go to him, pay your respects and request him to share his learning before he departs from this world.
The ever obedient Lakshmana immediately proceeds to the place where Ravana is lying. He stood near his head. Hearing the footsteps and recognising that Lakshmana is standing near his head, Ravana keeps quiet. Lakshmana waits a long time and returns frustrated.
Reports to Rama what happened. Rama, the all knowing, smiles. Lakshmana, when you go to someone for learning, you have to stand at their feet, not sit on their head. Learn to pay proper respect to Ravana so that he can impart his learnings.
Lakshmana goes back and stands near Ravana's feet. Looking at Lakshmana, Ravana smiles and welcomes him. Dear brother Lakshmana, welcome. How can I be of service to you asks Ravana. Lakshmana keeps silent. Ravana understands the purpose for which Lakshmana has come. He requests Lakshmana to come near him so that he can whisper in his ears.
Says Ravana, I will teach you the 3 most important things which all must follow in their lives :
----
-----
-----
1. Please Don't get hooked to Whatsapp
2. Don't use Facebook
3. While driving, please don't use your Mobile.
You will succeed in your life.

A boy called to Vodafone customer care

A boy called to Vodafone customer care...
Girl picked up the phone.
Girl : Welcome to the Vodafone Customer care
Boy : Thank you.
Gilr : How may i Help you ?
Boy : Would you like to marry me ?
Gilr : Sir, you dialed wrong number
Boy : No No, i dialed correct number only, will you marry me ?
Girl : No, i'm not interested in marriage
Boy : Hello Madam, listen please
Girl : Not interested
Boy : If you do love marriage, then i will take to you to LONDON . Or Honkong for arrange marriage.
Girl : Hello, i'm not interested in marrying you. Then why are giving me these offers ?
Boy : Court marriage expense 10,000rs, Normal Marriage expense 2,00,000rs, Muslim style in only 2000rs
Girl : Why are you not understanding me, i'm not interested in marring you...
Boy : So, now you realised our pain, When we are NOT interested in any plans/offers. why do you keep on calling us...

From the ladies: Evening classes for men.

From the ladies:
Evening classes for men. Starting this month…!
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1.
How to fill ice-cube trays.
Step by step with slide presentation.

Topic 2
Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 3
Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.

Topic 4
Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.

Topic 5
Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.

Topic 6
Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while SHE parks…?
Driving simulation.

Topic 7
Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.

Topic 8
How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

Topic 9
How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late!!!

A Good laugh reading these 30 one liners

Dilberts hilarious thoughts
A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

Gujarati lady visited a Bar

Gujarati Lady visited a Bar�� for the First Time, She Sat at the Table in Front of the Bar Tender..
A Guy at Her Left side ordered: "Jack Daniels, Single"
A Guy at Her Right Side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
The Bar Tender Looked at the Lady & said: And You..??
Lady replied: "ARTIBEN THAKKAR MARRIED."
������

Salesman died on the spot

A girl went to electronics shop with anger & threw her new laptop on d desk at person from whom she bought. She told that u have cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop...
Salesman: Madam, can u pls try in front of me?
Now this is what she did:
1)Right clicked d mouse on d file, selected COPY option.
2) Disconnected d mouse.
3)Took that mouse carefully & connected to d new laptop.
4)Right clicked d mouse & selected PASTE option.
������������
Salesman DIED on the spot!!!
ANOTHER IIN STUDENT...

The Phone bill was exceptionally high

The phone☎ bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
��

Funny Comments on the page on ISC Topper

Arkya chatterjee topped ISC by scoring 99.75%
These are the comments he got for the page that published it on facebook..
Don't blame me if you die laughing. Welcome to internet.
1. Don't publish this fact in newspaper. We have parents to answer
2. Itna to mere phone ka battery bhi charge nahi hota...
3. Ye ladka kalpanic hai iska vastav se koi sambandh nhi hai
4. Badhai ho....par aaj 8 saal ho gaye mere XII k results ko, aaj fir daant padi.
5. apsara pencil se likha ho tha to 0.25% bhi mil jate.........extra marks for good hand writing
6. Tu roadie nahi banega..U dont give ur 100% - Raghu
7. Mere purre graduation k 3 saal ka total bhi itna nai jitna tu ek exam mein laya hai kaminey..
8. Not a big deal...His tutor is Rajnikant
9. Congrats dude, you are the reason my parents have so many expectations.
10. Itna toh dettol, kitanu nai maarta...
11. See Sarthak, i dnt knw wat tough times u wuld hav gone thru.. lekin beta is tarah se padhaai pe gussa nahi nikalte..!!
The best ��������
12. Main toh agar apna paper khud check karta toh bhi itna marks nahi la paata"

Test Ur Brain. MPSC/STI/PSI exam study.

Test Ur Brain...

MPSC/STI/PSI exam study........ -

एक घर मे ABCDEFGH ऐसे आठ भाई रहेते थे,

उसमे

A - इस्त्री कर रहा था
B - कपडे धो रहा था
C - चेस खेल रहा था
D - नहा रहा था
E - खाना खा रहा था
F - पढाई कर रहा था
G - पेपर पढ रहा था …

प्रश्न ये है कि H क्या कर रहा होगा !.???





वापस पढ कर सोच कर सही जवाब दो ..
‬ Solve this...⁠⁠⁠!

Wedding speech of a girl to her in-laws

Wedding speech of a girl to her in-laws:

My dear New Family,
I thank u 4 welcoming me in this new house,
Firstly I must tell u
that my Presence here should not Change ur Life Routines,
Those who used to wash cloths must keep on doing it,
Those who Cooked must keep Cooking,
Those who Clean must keep Cleaning,
I'll not Disturb Anybody's Routine,
So far as I'm concerned,

I'm here only to Eat BUN, Have FUN & Control ur SON.

Any questions?

A Girl Sitting on a park bench

Joke...
A Girl sitting on a park bench
.
.
Funny Beggar: Hi sweetheart.
.
She angrily: How dare U call me sweetheart? ?
.
.
.
Beggar: Then What the HELL R U doing
on my BED.....

Height of Nonsense

Height of Nonsense

Girl : Mera Facebook Pe account Ban Sakta hai kya ?

Boy : Haa Ban sakta hai.. Tumhara kya , kisi ka bhi ban sakta hai.

Girl : Toh Main apne account mein Paisa jama kara sakt hu .. ?

[Guy Gives a Surprised Look]

Girl : Kya Hua .. ? Lagta Hai Tumko Bhi Zyada Knowledge Nahi hai Iss baare mein.

A Horror Story in just 1 Sentence

3 friends lived in a flat on the 100th floor...
One day when the lift was not working they decided to tell each other stories as they walked up the stairs.
The 1st told a comic story till the 50th floor,
2nd told an action story till the 99th floor and
the 3rd told a horror story in just 1 sentence -

"I forgot the flat keys in the car."
������

Prove that 2/10=2

Prove that 2/10=2
Japanese student: Wrong question.
Pakistani student: Hum toh school hi nahi Gaya.
American student: It's strange, how is it
possible?
Indian Rajnikant solved it:
Two / Ten
=wo/en
(T with T cancel)
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So,
23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2
Saala Maths ka itihaas hila dala.
YANNA RASCALA, MIND IT!!

Honeymoon Package !

Honeymoon Package!

Woman goes to travel agent and says, "Honeymoon Ka Sasta Package Hai koi?"

Agent says, "Ji Mam, 50k mein 3N/4D in Bangkok including flight hotel and food."

Woman replies, "Aur Koi Sasta??"

Agent says, "Kashmir 3N/4D all inclusive 35k."

Woman goes, "Isse Bhi koi Sasta?"

Agent replies, "Ji Madam, Ek Special Offer Hai - 10N/11D in London and Paris via Milan, stay in honeymoon suite and complementary chauffeured car. Package is completely free!!!"

Woman is overjoyed and immediately tells him, "Awww my god!!! Yeh Toh incredible offer Hai, Zaroor Kuchh Catch Hoga?"

Agent says, "Koi catch Nahi Madam, Bas Husband Hamari Taraf Se Hota Hai!!!" 

Ultimate Jokes

��Boy : Tum ladki hoke daaru piti ho? ��������

��Awesome reply by girl :
To kya 2-4 peg ke liye

gender change karwalu
--------------------------------

Wife drinking Vodka,
asked
"Tum kaun ho?" ��

Husband-
"Pagal ho gayi ho kya?
Apne husband ko bhool gayi? " ��

Wife: "Nasha ��
har gum bhula deta hai"

"Bhaisaab"..!!
-------------------------------------
Teacher :

“Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?”

Student :

“Smo-king & Drin-king"

Teacher Resigned��
Ghor Kalyug
-------------------------------------
Teacher: Who was Akbar ? 
Boy: Akbar was Gay.

Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that?

Boy:- We have heard  Laila - Majnu , Heer -Ranjha , Soni- Mahival ,Romeo-Juliet 
But Only
Akbar - Birbal !
Teacher died
---------------------------------

Teacher : नाड़े ko english में kya kehte hai...???
.
.
.
.
Santa : P.H.D.
.
.
Teacher : Kya....???
.
.
Santa : Pyjaama Holding Device..
.
.
Teacher behosh..!

___________________

This 1 is a killer 1 .....

Teacher : Beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot h uska matlab kya h.?

Pappu : Iska matlab ki tiger online hai.

Ultimate Hit !!

The Official Barber

This �� one is awesome!!! ������������
While cutting hair, the official Barber asked the Minister Kapil Sibal,
''What's this Swiss Bank issue?"
Kapil Sibal shouted, "YOU, are you cutting hair or conducting an inquiry?"
Barber: Sorry Sir, I just asked.
Next day, while cutting the hair, he asked President Pranab Mukherjee,
"Sir, what's this Black money issue?''
Pranab shouted, ''Why did you ask me this question?''
Barber: ''Sorry Sir, just asked you''
Next day, CBI interrogated the Barber, ''Are you an agent of Baba Ramdev?''
Barber: No Sir.
CBI: Are you the agent of Anna Hazare?
Barber: No Sir.
CBI: Then while cutting the hair, why did you ask these VIP's about Swiss Bank and Black money issues?
Barber: Sir, I do not know why, but when I ask about Swiss Bank or Black money, their hairs stand up straight; and that helps me to cut the hair easily; that's why I keep asking."����

Mother-in-law tests her Son-in-laws

A Mother -in -Law decides to test her three Son- in- laws for their good nature.
For this she goes for a walk by a river with the first son in law & jumps in. He saves her.
Next morning he finds a Toyota corolla parked outside his house with note: From your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by the river with the second son in law & jumps in. He too saves her.  Next morning he also finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note : From your Mother In Law.

Next she goes for a walk by a river with the third son in law & jumps in. He just laughs and walks away.  Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with note:
from your Father In Law!������������

Love your Husband

LOVE YOUR HUSBAND

When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen to your nostop talks.

Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.

Love him if he criticize your cooking.
He is still improving his taste.

Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you.

Love him if forgets to give you a gift on your birthday.
He is saving money for future.

Love him Because...
You don't have a Choice...
and killing is a legal offense

A Girl Enters in Engineering 3rd Sem Exam

A Girl Enters in Engineering 3rd Sem Exam.
When She Sits She Realises that She Forgot to Bring Her Pen...

A Little Cute girl Comes to Her and Says..
"Mummy Take Your Pen"

All the Guys in the Exam Hall..
"Ha!!!.. Mummy...??"




Moral:- Its not the Effect of Santoor....

Its Because of "Maths-3"

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Killer Joke : hassi ka raaz

Killer joke
पड़ोसी: यार, तेरे घर से रोज हँसी की आवाज आती है...
ईस खुशहाल ज़िंदगी का क्या राज है?
आदमी: मेरी बीवी मुझे जुतों से मारती है,
लग जाएँ तो वो हसती है, ना लगे तो मै हसता हूँ..
भगवान की कृपा है
हँसी ख़ुशी जिंदगी गुजर रही है
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How to Identify different Places in India

How to Identify different Places in India ?

A simple guide by The Lonely Planet.

Scenario 1 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on..��
That's MUMBAI..��


Scenario 2 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.. The first two get together and beat him up..��
That's DELHI.


Scenario 3 : Two guys fighting and third guy comes from a nearby house and says "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else." ��
That's BANGALORE.. ��


Scenario 4 : Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends..��
You are definitely in GOA...����


Scenario 5 : Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.. �� Now 50 guys are fighting..
You are in PUNJAB.��


Scenario 6 : Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them.. ����
You are in BIHAR..


Scenario 7 : Two guys fighting. First guy started beating the second guy, the Third guy comes and joins with first guy and beats second guy without knowing anything.. ����
You are right it's TAMILNADU


Last Scenario: Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall there ☕
That's KERALA.��.....

Husband Wife silly jokes :)

पत्नी खाना खाते हुए पति से :- अजी जरा रसोई से नमक का डिब्बा तो ले आना!

पतिदेव रसोई में काफी देर ढूढने के बाद आवाज लगाता है यहाँ तो नमक का डिब्बा है ही नही!

पत्नी:-- एक नम्बर के कामचोर हो, एक काम भी ढंग से नही कर सकते, सारा दिन गप्पे हांकते रहते हो, मोबाइल के अलावा कुछ नही दिखता, सिर्फ Watsapp और कुछ नहीं....

दोस्तों के साथ आवारागर्दी, सारा दिन पड़ोसन पे नजर रखना, यही सब करते हो!

मुझे पता था तुम्हे नही मिलेगा, इसी लिए पहले ही ले आई थी, आ जाओ और चुपचाप खाना खा लो।**
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एक दिन पति अपने घर की लाइट ठीक कर रहा था.
तभी उसने अपनी बीवी को आवाज़ लगाईं.
बीवी – क्या है ?
पति – ज़रा इधर तो आओ …
बीवी – लो आ गई, अब बोलो ?
पति– ये दो तार हैं, ज़रा इनमे से कोई एक हाथ में
पकड़ना …
बीवी – क्यों ?
पति– अरे तू पकड़ तो सही एक बार …
बीवी – ये लो पकड़ लिया …
पति– कुछ हुआ ?
बीवी - नहीं तो …
पति – अच्छा … इसका मतलब कर्रेंट दूसरी तार में है
…. !!!��������������

Kaminey dost

Kaminey dost
1 : Hello bhai kya haal hai?
2 : Mast bhai, tu suna?
1 : Yaar ek kaam tha....
2 : Haan to karle, baad mein baat karenge. Bye..! ��������

Gyan Ganga Ultimate PJ's

GYAN GANGA.
1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.
1 or
2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
"IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"
1 or
3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR
"Chalo 1 aur"
4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.
"bas 1 or"
5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?
Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to "GK" kya karega.
"pakka last"
6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL"
Bhagwan aapko aise msg ko jhelne ki shakti de

New HR policy for 2016

New HR policy for 2016
Couldn't resist sharing����
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Leave:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Casual leave:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
   

JOB in 'Parle Monaco'

JOB in "parle Monaco"
Send ur resume to careers@parlemonaco.in

Last Date:
30th Nov 2015.

Location:Mumbai.

Salary: 95,000/- per month.

Job Description:
To sit and make hole in Monaco biscuits!
First preference IIN Students����

If biscuit breaks then salary will be deducted.

Present aur Future tense ki example

Daughter : Mummy, past present and future tense ki example do.
Mummy :
Mai sundar thi,
Mai sundar hun,
aur Mai sundar rahungi.
Daughter : Papa, aap bhi koi example batao.
Papa :
Isko veham tha,
Isko veham hai,
aur Isko veham rahega.
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5 Years old son after watching TV

5 years old son,
After watching a story of an Emperor on TV:

"Mum, I also want 7 wives, one will cook for me, one will read for me, one will go for walk with me, one will sing for me,one can bath me,...."

Mum smiled and said:
"Then night time I don't have to accompany you to sleep!"

After some thought, son said:
"Not possible, I still want to sleep with you mummy!"

Moms eyes fill up with tears of happiness:
"My sweet son!"
"Then who will sleep with your 7 wives?"

"Let them sleep with daddy!"

Dads eyes fill up with tears of happiness:
"My sweet son!"������