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Retired Husband

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RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's ...
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Some Global Opinions on Marriages

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��Some global opinions on marriages.. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Al Gore ���� By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates ���� Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Mike Tyson ���� I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs ��with me. - Bill Clinton  ���� "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - George W. Bush �� "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani �� "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan ���� Two secrets to keep your...
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A Good laugh reading these 30 one liners

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Dilberts hilarious thoughts A good 30 laughs at Dilbert's one liners: 1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 2. A friend in need is a pest indeed. 3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. 4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. 5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. 6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. 7. Born free, taxed to death. 8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. 9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. 10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. 12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. 13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. 14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel ...
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